A Personal Forgiveness Story
Part I
In my work as a corporate team builder, success involved "being right" in my diagnosis of interpersonal dynamics and helping people learn to understand each other, communicate more effectively, and form a strong team.
After ten years as an independent consultant, I decided to go "inside" and
joined a company with an excellent reputation. Ironically, I almost immediately found myself in conflict with a team member,
Sally.
We had different styles of working and disagreed on several issues that were
important to me.
Then Sally did some work for a customer
group that I thought was poorly done. The group was left in turmoil and had to
work with another facilitator to redo what they had tried to do with her. I was
irritated that none of my teammates would listen to me about what I thought
should be done. I was aware that Sally was covertly giving false reports about
me to others, but I chose to ignore this.
When the VP, who had been on vacation, returned, he sided with her! I couldn't
believe it. , Events within that client group proved that I had
been right in my assessment of the personalities and issues. Yet at this point
none of my team members liked me or sought my collaboration. This was
professionally and personally devastating for me. I could hardly bring myself to
go to work.
But being a student of the Course, I began to practice forgiving Sally and the
others. Over the next five years I gradually let go of my "professional
standards" and of being right about that incident and other issues.
Preparing my mind for forgiveness
required vigilance. I had to come to understand, even though I couldn’t justify
it on the basis of my perceptions, that I was really responsible for creating
the situation. This required that I understand that reality was not as I had
formerly understood it. That my previous perceptions and thoughts were
illusions. I had to come to the point of genuinely believing that
Sally was innocent and wishing for her happiness.
One day I was standing at the copier
when Sally came by. I noticed my automatic negative thoughts and stopped them. I
reminded myself of my new goal and, touching base with the Holy Spirit, turned my attention to her with a different
attitude. She talked about a health problem and I listened empathically. I
shared that I had had a similar problem.
Then, to my surprise, Sally expressed real concern for me. I accepted it. Suddenly
the world shifted. It was like the lights had been turned up and a symphony
began to play. We both felt happy and continued to talk, neither of us wanting
to stop this new way of relating.
Since then our relationship has been just fine. I never would have believed it
if I had not experienced this miracle. Now I enjoy working with her, although I have to
remember to stay in my “right mind.” I am grateful to have had this experience
and have re-committed to the Course as the solution to my problems. It boils down to rejecting the ego's fear
script and choosing to listen, genuinely, to the Holy Spirit.
Part II
One year later, however, the other members of my team, and the VP in particular, had not changed their attitudes towards me. Over the years the VP encouraged anyone who might have a complaint about me to talk with him. This added a significant stress factor to my work, but I kept thinking that if I practiced forgiveness hard enough the situation would turn around.
Then someone complained about me and he fired me. I wasn't surprised when it happened. I left easily and with a sense of relief. I look at it this way:
My unconscious mind was looking for someone to project guilt on. The VP (all minds are connected) took the role, in the illusion, of treating me unfairly. My mind caused the illusion and made it seem like it was really happening to me.
The situation was just an outplay of my mental symbols so I could have someone to blame. It was a joke I was playing on myself. The VP just complied with what I wanted him to do in my dream. He did nothing wrong. Seeing its unreality, it is easy for me to forgive him. As I forgive him and see his innocence, I feel good. Now I am free of the situation and also, I suspect, of a lot of unconscious guilt.
Perhaps the most effective step in my healing was to list those I worked with, and, for each, to write a positive memory. Then, when one of those people would come to mind, I'd pick up the list, return to my loving thought, and then let it all go again.